It was… Work Day 7: Post 7 -- "You talking to me?"

~~ Robert De Niro as Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver

I call this piece….

My one-sided interview with Glamazon

Mrs. Hemsworth: Thank you for joining us this afternoon on the bus, Glamazon.  Let’s get right to it.  So your style is very…uh…unique.  Care to comment on that?

Glamazon: …

Mrs.H: No?  Okay…Where would one buy a very asymmetrical skirt in Pepto pink that has severe pilling?

G: …

Mrs. H: Not revealing your source eh?  Understandable.  Now I notice your high neck sweater is the exact shade of white as your patterned pantyhose and complexion.  What’s your secret?

G:….

Mrs. H: And I’ve noticed you’ve paired your ensemble with two-toned, pea soup green, shoes that are a cross between granny’s oxfords and granny’s mary janes.  Seriously…what were you thinking?

G: …

Mrs. H: Ahh….I get it .. you were going for quiet mystery.  Like, you’re staying quiet because it’s a mystery to you too what possessed you to wear them.  Intriguing!

Mrs. H: Now I can’t help but notice that you read a lot.  What would you say to your critics that would label you “a dumb blonde” -- referring of course to your recently bleached hair?

G: …

Mrs. H: Strong silent type eh?  I respect that.  Well thank you for sitting beside me on this bus.  It’s been enlightening. 

It was…Work Day 6: Post 6 -- Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get...

~~Forrest Gump

Happy record high heat day!!!  Woohoo!  Supposed to actually be 31 and feel like 41!!  Are you jealous??  I know you’re not…you’d suffer.  Unlike my homie the Office Supply Delivery Guy!  He likes it hot! We agree…if someone ain’t in respiratory distress from the heat…it’s not hot enough!!!

Lot’s of blogging fodder…and it’s only 0908.  Let’s call this segment…

Fashion Safari

The Loon (Thrifiticus Storicus)The Loon can be spotted obliviously “rocking” their thrift store finds in any situation.  Regardless of the setting, the temperature or the millenia, The Loon, is perfectly oblivious to their mad cap style.  They prefer to refer to themselves as “vintage” – I prefer to refer to them as crazy!

Case in point:  The girl with the pixie cut and thick, square rimmed black glasses wearing….wait for it…. a corduroy short sleeve dress, with a sliced green apple print and velvet trim. (I am not making this up!) She paired this curtain…sorry…dress, with faux leather, black wedge Mary Janes and bright red (we’re talking seen from space bright) opaque tights!!  Tights!!!!!!!!!  It’s 30 degrees!!!!!!!

The Skater Boi (Surprisicus Itsa Girlicous)

The messy, shapeless, unwashed hair.  The square shaped, ill fitting, message tee.  The board shorts.  The Birkenstocks.  You’re a girl.  Accept it.  If you want to dress like a 13 year old boy at least do so from the girls department.  They make the same clothes only it will fit your curves better.  Maybe you’ll get a date from one of your colleagues because of the effort instead of an invite to a sports bar.  Unless that’s your goal in which case – carry on.  We’re confused.

Highly Qualified (HO-monid Maximus)

No one wonders how she got her job…we are wondering how she manages to keep it.  Her attire is entirely inappropriate for work – that is any work that begins and ends before dark and doesn’t require an outdoor office ( a.k.a street) and mileage (a.k.a. walking).
Easily identified by the contrived, matchy matchy look that always terminates in a pair of high (a.k.a. hooker) heels .  Maybe we’d give you the benefit of the doubt if you didn’t stomp around the halls, yammering on your cell phone, with a perpetually bitchy pout at a snail’s pace, pretending not to notice all the looks you’re getting – be they good, bad or incredulous.

Okay, Okay...I fell off the blogging wagon

Allow me to go back in time then and publish the posts I meant to last week.  In my defence I was giddy with with excitement that Buffy had returned!  Considering her trip was the impetus for this blog I think I'm entitled to this mis-step.

But where does this blog go from here?  She's back...but there's plenty of fodder for this canon!  Stay tuned...

Work Day 5: Post 5 -- "...But it can easily be reheated in the microwave of evil!"

~~ Megamind

Perfectly warm day in the TDot.  Went for a walk around the campus and almost burnt to a crisp!  Can an end to the rain finally be here?  I have mixed emotions about this.  On the one hand I can finally plan my clothing and shoe options a few days in advance and not have to have a back up rain outfit -- thus expanding my options.  On the other hand I may have to actually water my lawn and vegetable patch in order to maintain their current state of health growth. :(

And speaking of clothing...it's about time I did.  I've decided to a spotlight on one very interesting fashionista.
For your viewing pleasure...your friend and mine...
Fan Bing Bing
(Photo courtesy of ndakdapapayey.blogspot.com)

(Photo courtesy of decogirlmontreal.com)

By no means a wall flower, Fan Bing Bing stands out at The Cannes Film Festival 2011.  I'd go so far as to name her best dresseed!  Totally rocking bold, statement gowns, her choice of silhouettes complemented her figure to a tee.  And she managed to perfectly style her hair and make up everytime -- from finger waves to complicated updo's.  Her choice of accessories was equally perfectly paired.  It's like she's been waiting all year for this event so she could stop the show!!

But, let's not forget, into every life a little rain -- or in this case a fashion disaster must fall.  I keep waiting for something in the background...an elephant...Howard Hughes...something!

(Photo courtesy of kaybruce.wordpress.com)

Seriously people...this is it!  I got nothing.  This lady is either flawless in fashion or Google is having a meltdown. This is the worst I could find in 15 minutes.

My hat...uh crystal encrusted  turban...is off to you Fan Bing Bing!

Work Day 5: Post 4 - "It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times?! You stupid monkey!

~~ Mr. Burns, The Simpsons

I can't remember...does Braveheart die at the end of the movie?  If so then, life imitates art.  My own Braveheart, lost his battle with the Monarchy and was struck down last Thursday.
I didn't have the heart to blog about it then...or the balls.  I'm afraid I could be next. Just never know around here.

So I've been extremely productive -- helps that I have no where to wander to during the day. Could this be a blessing in disguise?  No!  I want my co-pilot back.  The Yin to my Yang.  The Apple Fritter to my Double Double.  The Toons to my Looney!

Don't know if I can hold out much longer.

Work Day 3: Post 3 - I wish the world was a fly and I was a great big rolled up newspaper!

~~ Ed O'Neil as Al Bundy in Married with Children

Let's get serious...
In light of the storms raging through the mid-west and my complete ignorance of US geography I'm hoping you guys are travelling okay and staying safe.  Let me know when you can!!


*** BREAKING NEWS!!! ***
SIGHTING
Our Resident Stalker was spotted in the hall way conversing with colleagues.  It's not clear how long he had been there or from which direction he came. His deameanor was casual, much like his ensemble of blue check pattered button down shirt and belted Dockers as he leaned against the wall.  We'll follow up with more details as this story develops...now back to our regularly scheduled blogging.
***

It's a perfectly rainy day in the TDot.  Temperature is supposed to be as high as 21 but I'm not buying it. Still wearing heavy pants and layers.  The so called 680 News Weather Guarantee (if that is it's real name!) was wrong yet again; leaving me to bring up that old joke about meterologists having the only career when you can be wrong all the time and not lose your job!!!

In the news...

• Plan to privatize garbage west of Yonge gets approved - just another example of how Scarborough gets crapped on...literally now!
• Audit ordered into Rob Ford's mayoral campaign -- perhaps he should have deep cleaned his own boat, before he started criticizing other people's gravy!!
• Starbucks confirmed Wednesday it will raise the prices for bagged coffee -- lending credence to my opinion that Starbucks Starsucks!

Work Day 2: Post 1 -- "Listen! I smell something"~~

~~ Bill Murray as Dr. Peter Venkman, in Ghostbusters

Let's begin at the beginning....
I'd been an admin assistant for almost 5 years and returned from a mat leave to find a great friend I had worked with in another department had join admin ranks and started about a week after my return and her office was right around the corner from mine!!!  Let's call her Buffy!
Ahhh the adventures we've had!  From random sightings turning into deliberate stalkings of Tightpants to the fashion atrocities we've witnessed and critiqued from visitors and employees alike!
Now I find myself alone.  Yes it's only for 2 weeks...but my daily injection is gone.  Surfing the usual sites and making catty remarks alone is unfulfilling -- and a little crazy.

So I turn to the internet as my outlet.  And I know you're reading Buffy! No really....I actually signed you up to get emails everytime I post.  You're welcome! :P

Now, on to business....
Here's a recap of yesterday's bizarre happenings that I directly attribute to you not being at work

1. Diman rode the bus completely alone!! With no women to chat up he actually fell asleep and almost missed his stop
2. Baryshnikov cut his hair!!!!  I snapped a pic for you.  Somehow...his head looks even bigger without the muppet that was his hair
3. I bought an extra large 3x3 coffee and a donut -- so I'll be a completely unrecognizable tub of lard by the time you return
4. A random crazy dude was commenting while I played TikiTotems2 on my phone, then laid a sulphurous egg and fled the scene of his crime; leaving the rest of us gasping for breath!!!

In the world of fashion... (Photos courtesy of People.com)

Don't -- Jessica Biel missing two important accessories - a pot of gold and little green hat ( thoughtfully provided by me)
Can you say "Top of the mornin' to ya!"



Do-- Sarah Michelle Gellar-Prinze - looking great

Work Day 2: Post 2 -- 'Tis no man...'tis a remorseless eating machine"

~~ Captain McAllister, The Simpsons

I need to post again for my slow start in blogging. 
Been caught stealing (gotta love the 80's)...I mean blogging...a few times today.  No biggie...I've done my work and everyone's happy.  It's sunny - blech!...and cold - gah!.  Lethal combination!  I did go back and change from my black and grey skirt ensemble to my black and grey jeans ensemble.  I did forego the pashmina.  I know...big step for me!!!  I'm regretting it though.

Johnny Cash (I'll explain when I see you) has been hiding out in his office all day.  Not neccesarily a bad thing as that means no work for me but still...I like people where I can see them...and thus avoid them!

Braveheart lives to fight another day. When last we spoke our hero had struck at the heart of the organization and dealt a mighty blow.  The damage created by his deed continues, as we find he is no longer heading to the second office for battle and has been waylaid by data entry; work that was actually destined to fall in my lap.  Bonus!!  Now I have more time to blog!

Many people have been asking about your whereabouts, Buffy...and of Homer's.  I've been deflecting.  I think it's time to wander the halls some more and throw people off the scent...

 Baby Watch 2011...
Becks (not the one belonging to Posh) -- delivered a health baby girl!  Can't wait to show you pics!  She's adorable.  3 out of 3 Admin Assistants agree -- she looks like mommy!

Got an email from PR -- no activity yet but there was supposed to be a doctor's visit yesterday so....

In Fashion
Goodness Lucy!!  It's a childrens's movie!!  She still looks amazing though! (Photos courtesy of CelebrityvsRunway)



This photo could potentially fuel some baby bump rumours -- I was talking about JLo not Randy. 
Can't help but notice the strategic award placement of the guy with his hand around JLo's jelly.