Peggy: Did you miss me? Al: With every bullet so far

~~ Married with Children

More vexation from the officemate this morning...

So far I've been illicited to eat homemade baked goods from a random friend -- if I'm going to eat anything that I didn't personally have a hand in making or witness being made it better be from a trustworthy source or covered in mountains of icing.  These are neither.

We've discussed the weather.  Rather she commented on "all that snow" (see pic of avalance from yesterday's post) and I grunted.

Then...my peronal favourite...As I sit there deep in thought about what to blog about...she appears in my peripheral vision and says:  "Mrs. Hemsworth....Beetlegeuse!"
No lead in...nothing...just my name and Beetlegeuse. 
My response: "Uh huh" with a WTF look on my face. 
"I just heard that song Jump in the Line and all I can think of is the movie."

Funny....you just talked to me and all I can think of is different ways to diplomatically tell you to SHUT UP and LEAVE ME ALONE!!! 
I need a drink!

"Holy rusted metal Batman!" "What?" "This metal, it's rusted and full of holes"

~ Exchange between Batman and Robin in Batman Forever

I'd like to add a new feature to this blog. Buffy I hope you approve. 

Not sure what to call it yet:  Catch that Caption or What that WHAT? or Fill in the Blank...we'll see.
The idea is to find a photo and then either describe the situation as you see it or add a caption that pretty much sums up what you're seeing...or both!  Maybe with voice bubbles??!! :) 

I'VE GOT IT!!!  The Director's Cut!  You set the scene and provide the dialogue for the perfect pic!  (Kind of like a mime...now that I know what that is...Thanks Buffy!)

Here's my first offering...(Of course its the Kardashian's...they make it so damn easy)

The scene...
K-mas at the Kardashian household.  We'll get Kim...recovering from heartache showing some humanity with friends Maria Menounos and family Mason Discik.  Throw in some cuddly puppies and watch the magic happen.


Maria -- I'm trying really hard here not to flash the photographer.  So this beeyotch Kim better perfect her pucker quick or I'm outta here

Mason -- Smells like money. 

Kim -- Maybe I'll stick to puppy love instead of man love. You won't break my hearts will you Louis and Vuitton.  And by constantly referring to you in the next 3-6 months is sure to garner me a new endorsement deal...or at least a free set of luggage.  Way to sell out Kendall and Kylie.  You're making mom proud.

The scene...
Blake Lively attempts to curry favour with Ryan Reynolds by walking his dog.  Notice the awkward wary look on her face. And...ACTION!

Blake: The things I'll do for publicity.  Nice doggy. Where the hell is the grunt carrying my purse?
Baxter:  Yeah...you best keep one eye on me!  The instant you turn your back your slippers become my personal toilet.  How dare you come between Mrs. Hemsworth and her man!  I mean ME...ME and my man.

BREAKING OFFICE NEWS!!!!!

I called it!!! Didn't I call it.  See the post earlier today when I said officemate would leave at 3:00pm. 
She just announced she's leaving in 15 minutes because "I don't like the looks of it out there.  I can't imagine what it's like at home."

This is a picture of the view from outside my window. 
 

I'd like to provide some examples of things I'd rather share an office with...
  

"I have a conundrum"

~~ Direct quote from Officemate at 0805 December 29, 2011

*Sigh* It's too early in the morning for this shizzle!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:( 
Firstly; here is the definition of conundrum:

co·nun·drum/kəˈnəndrəm/

Noun:

A confusing and difficult problem or question. A question asked for amusement, typically one with a pun in its answer; a riddle.

Secondly; yes officemate...I know what the word means.  You're impressing NO ONE!!  And your pathetic attempt to illicit some kind of follow up comment like " A what?" has fallen on deaf ears.  Literally.  Volume way WAY up on the IPhone this morning.

And I bet you're all wondering what the conundrum was .... her cordless mouse wasn't working.  Neither a confusing or difficult problem or question OR a very amusing one at that!  I was thoroughly disappointed and decided to go for coffee IMMEDIATELY.  I return in ten minutes and she has fixed the problem. Sorry -- solved the conundrum she had spent "all morning sitting there trying to figure out".  All morning being about 5 minutes in officemate time cuz I know she rolled in just before I did but will claim she's been in since 0700 so she can leave at 3:00pm.  She then described in detail what the issue was and the ensuing resolution.  Thank goodness.  I was going to lose sleep over that!

Further, she had decided to wait for my return to ask me what the title of one of our VP's were. 
My response: "I don't know...why don't you look it up"
Her response: "Yeah I guess...I just thought you might know."
Further supporting my theory that she literally would rather just roll around asking others how to do her job than spend one iota of effort finding the answer for herself!!!  And people wonder why I pound my keyboard so damn hard!

 Now on to more interesting frivolity (put that in your google search box and smoke it officemate!)

Faithful reader...I'm in the process of what you might call "Knee Jerk Blogging".  I surf, I see, I blog.
Here are some additions to my FAVOURITE feature on this blog...


Separated at Birth....

Thanks Demi for dying your hair red -- without which this post would not be possible.




I know these pics are a stretch for "Separated at Birth" but stay with me folks...
 
Pathetic clone or imitation is the highest form of flattery? What do you think Kim's motivation was?
Self aggrandizing fame whoring?  Yeah...that's what I thought too!


                                                     

"Bah! Humbug!"

~~ Ebenezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol

That's right all!  Your resident Grinch is back this week for three days of blogging sans her Christmas cheer -- generously supplied by my partner in crime. 

First, a commentary on the weather...
ARE YOU ALL HAPPY NOW??!! HUH?!  ARE YOU??!!  All you whiners complaining about not having a white Christmas.  There was about 10 cm of wet snow on my driveway when I got home and now its snowing and its -16 *C with the windchill! 

Now, a comment on being back at work...
DAMN I wish I was off!!  Curse you officemate for using up all your vacation time and being here too!!!!!

Now a commentary on the post-Christmas pre-New Year's office fashion...
You know its time to retire that turtleneck sweater when it is literally swallowing the bottom half of your face.

You know it's time to cut the decorative belt off your faux wrap sweater when it's being shoved out of position by the muffin top your too tight pants are giving you!

Finally it's time for...
Celebrity Fashion
 
First impression when I saw this was -- she's skinned Elmo!!


I don't even know what to say.  She looks like her own mom!  That is her own mom who's desperately trying to look like her own daughter!


This defies description.  Wipe that smile off your face missy!  You're wearing a shirt. An ugly one at that. And ridiculous pumps that it appears you're about to fall out of! 

 
Geez!  What's with this chick and her X-Factor wardrobe. It's ridiculous.  I mean one minute she's naked the next she's Vanna White covered in tissue paper!  And that crazy hair. Handcufff hoop earings!!? This is just too much.  It can't get any worse than this!  In fact...I dare Paula Abdul to prove me wrong!

 This is worse.  Well played Paula Abdul!

"Well, in Whoville they say - that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day"

~~ Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas


So, here I am. The last workday before Christmas. A workday, but in no way a day of work. And me without a partner in crime. And so... I must blog.


Ladies and Gentlemen, it's time for....

LAB...COAT....FASHION!! *applause*

The trend of the day for December 23, 2011 seems to be a lab coat, jeans and black knee-high boots. I know the "labrats" need a casual Friday too, but there's just something so incongruous about this look. The top says I am an intelligent professional while the bottom says I shop at Stitches!! The worst offender award today goes to the woman whose boots disappeared under her lab coat (in case you can't picture this, I'm talking thigh-highs, people!)

I Know it's Christmas Eve Eve but...

Do we need to take our fashion so literally? The top 3 Christmas looks seen here today:

1. The santa hat - I can deal with this one. It's a touch of whimsy. And btw Santa grew a little ponytail!
   
   
2. Ornament earrings - Medium sized red balls - a little disco-ball-y. Not the worst, mainly because she was cute. But didn't really jive with her outfit. I'm going to guess she sits behind a desk.
   
   
3. The Christmas sweater - Yep, I said it. She went there. She brought the Christmas sweater to the workplace. Isn't that reserved for home, when the relative who made/gave you said sweater comes over to visit and you have to show that you really, really like it? It was red, it was wool, there were trees involved. Oh wait, did I mention it was a sweater-vest?! I don't have an actual photo, so I'll leave you with this dramatization*:
   
   
   *Neither sweater nor wearer look anything like the actual ones discussed above.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Merry Christmas to all! Back in 2012.

"I feel like I can't do anything wrong." "Nonsense. You do everything wrong."

~~ George and Jerry in conversation, on Seinfeld

Remember this? When we thought Eva Longoria was wearing Kate Winslet's nasty potato-sack coloured dress? Well it seems we were mistaken and the dress is in fact a Victoria Beckham piece. I never would have made the connection The dress, as seen on Posh, is one of my favourites from her collection. It looks stunning on her (as all her pieces do) and the shade of blue is fabulous. But on Eva.....not so much. The potato sack colour is very difficult to wear. And although Eva Longoria looks good in a lot of things, this dress doesn't wow on her. Further proof that all of Posh's clothes are made by Posh, for Posh.

"Sorry little darlin' I hope I didn't dent your do."

~~ Zac Efron as Link in Hairspray


Lingo Fail

This might have to be a new regular feature! Today's fail comes from People. Either the author has no idea what a "face for radio" means, or s/he does and just really wanted to insult Zac Efron. I'm sure that's one Efron's never heard before.... FAIL.

Already my first disappointment of the Christmas Season :(

All I Want for Christmas (Is You) is hands down one of my favourite Christmas songs of all time. I got a listen of the Glee cast version of the song and I like it. No Mariah, but I like it. So this Justin Bieber-Mariah duet was on my radar. I know, it's the Biebs, but how bad could it be? Bad! The song does not work. Their voices do not mesh, not that this is an actual duet anyway. I would have given Mariah props for re-recording her part rather than shoving Bieber's voice onto her old track with a new backbeat.

And the video....Ugh! First of all, it makes no sense. Is he checking her out in the beginning? But then really they don't interact. Mariah of course is posing while Bieber tries hard to bounce and pop his collar to a Christmas tune. Are they singing to each other? What does he want her for? To be his mother? I'm confused....and disappointed. Watch at your own risk:

Something Happened to Marie Osmond's Face. Full stop.

Her camp is doing the "we won't deign to comment" thing but it's touch to deny her face looks messed up, particularly in the eye and lip areas. My genuine response to seeing this pic was of the "Oh Snap!" variety. Oh Marie, haven't you suffered enough? And really, isn't Bruce Jenner a walking billboard for a Leave Your Face Alone campaign?

Separated at Birth

Pete Wentz's girlfriend had me seriously double-taking when I saw this pic...



























...cuz what's Pete Wentz doing with Megan Fox? Oh, that's not Megan Fox. This is...





























Weird!